i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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