she looked like the before picture.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
