hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
