I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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