I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
