Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
