He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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