Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
