I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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