dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
