I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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