After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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