Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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