if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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