she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
