Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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