they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
