I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Panties = found
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
