ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
