I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
