Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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