Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
