I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
4 words: hood of his car
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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