It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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