Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hippo gnu deer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
