Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
