Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
