pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
