So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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