I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
