I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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