dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
