i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
