ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
