I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
