They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
