We named our party play list daddy issues
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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