So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
