hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
