We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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