the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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