Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
