That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
