She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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