Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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