32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
