4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
