I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
