Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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