Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
