I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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