By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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