I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
