I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
