Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
