omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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