eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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