actually, I'm a sock model
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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