I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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