I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did i walk over a car last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
