We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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