I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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