Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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