its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
