I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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