im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
