Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
